Addicted to Bad Relationships

I met this really awesome girl a while back, she was almost perfect. She was good looking, charming, intelligent, smart, confident and a lot of other things that I would like my girl to be. She was interested in me too and so was I, but things dnt seem to be going our way, the more I got closer to her the more I saw myself drifting apart. In moments of silence with myself I wundt rember her, she wudnt be my top priority….

I thought I was in love because I lost my mind. Isn’t it that’s how they defined love: when you feel going out of yourself to reach out for the other?

But I was also scared I was gonna hurt her, I was scared I was gonna loose her, I was scared things were gonna turn nasty with her….. I dumped her!!!

The inevitable split between us, is actually a pause. These pauses are the periods when I pretend that I’ve found the strength to move on, or the (in)significant other has expressed a need for space. The more I try to be adamant in my decision to end it up, the more I find myself yearning for this (in)significant other.

Just like all addictions, relapsed catalyst are like lap dancers: they taunt you with her seductive movements, moving your desires like a whirpool until finally her presence will occupy your mind till you will stand up to reach out for her.

We dnt speak to each other for a while, then we started talking again, we spoke again, and we spoke again. After a month of conversations I met up with her and some of her friends for a drink, I made a point not to drink too much just to be safe. By the next day morning I was seeing her again.

That night was a night of conversations, we spoke about my fears and my thoughts, I spilled my heart out and things looked better. A week into the relationship again and I loved the way it was going, she gave me my space, we spoke often, I wasn’t obliged to meet up with her often, I finally felt that she understood me.

Untill she sent me an email, yes an email. Her email explained about the way she thught of things, she felt I was not giving the relationship enough and she dnt even want to be friends with me cause she said she already had enough of them, this time SHE dumped me!!

Another bad relationship, only this time it really left me in a thinking stage. Was I expecting too much out of it? Was it wrong to expect my space? Was it wrong to not meet up with my gf for a week cause I had other things to do also……may be I was wrong? May be it was all my fault? May be I suck at relationships?

I will not deny that I’ve been into bad relationships before. The roller coaster ride of breaking up and making up was so enticing and thrilling in the beginning. Then, it turned to be like a bad habit and I find myself hooked with seemingly no visible exits!

Why can’t we quit a person when it’s only giving us stress or shall we say, a bad relationship? I see it as an addiction. It is common for a person in a love relationship to become addicted to the other. I’ll bet one of you will argue that it is simply love or sense of commitment, right?

I think love and commitment gives you a freedom to choose another person. On the contrary, when you have a compulsive drive to go back to this person, then it is limiting your freedom, so it is addiction! The same holds true for smoking, drinking, gambling, etc.

Whether our addiction is to a substance or a person, this sense of incompleteness, emptiness, despair, sadness, and being lost will find its relief when we are in touch with this something or someone outside ourself.

A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself - to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.

Freedom is what I need thus I completely turned my back away from every bad relationship I find myself in . I have found a person who will be by my side and never leave me, always giving me the strength, love and support I need… and that person is MYSELF.

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I’ve learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.

I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Sometimes it dsnt!

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both
hands; you need to be able to throw some things back. I just did!

I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn…….