My Enclosure

Conversations and Me

I am sure by now you have figured out that this is the first in my series of

‘Conversation and Me’.

‘Conversations & Me’ is free from any event or occasion in my life. It’s even free from any title cause it discusses moments, thoughts that spring up in irregular intervals.

‘Conversations & ME’ dsnt really search for answers cause it realizes that there may be no questions in the first place……

It just provides me a platform to say what I want to say…Once again…

Hope you like it………

Series 1

It’s Saturday night, I am relaxing at home, almost mid night now actually…..Spent most of my day relaxing and practically doing nothing at home today. I guess wasn’t really in a mood to socialize today.

It comes as a surprise dsnt it? A party animal, who loves meeting friends, meeting new people, socializing all the time…..ya I know that’s me, well at least I think that’s me.

A very close friend of mine warned me the other day to stop going for movies all alone, YA I do go for movies all by myself! Its not that I don’t have friends to go out with or who don’t ask me out, I just like the idea of going all alone!!

It’s great to do that, really. You don’t have to answer anybody, you can dress up the way you want, you can make a plan which will work out only if u want it too and it won’t if u don’t want it too. Isn’t that a great feeling to be completely responsible for your own behavior?? And also enjoy the fruits of your own efforts without compromising on anything???? I think it is, I quiet enjoying being alone, lonely, spending time by myself, observing, analyzing, being ME.

But wait; is this the beginning of what I think it is? Or is it just my dumb usual imagination? Am I loosing my brains trying to argue with my own self and come up with answers to my own question? Am I smoking up or simply reaching Nirvana? I think I am turning into a healer of some sort…. Only in my case I can only heal myself…

May be I have been PRing for too long now, yaaaa PRing that’s what I do remember? I am a Public Relations professional who strategies and plans and helps build a clients perception and image in a positive light, Right? Ya that’s what I do, I also socialize with journalists, CEO’s, corporate, marketing managers, photographers, cameramen and a lot more people every day. I answer double the number of phone calls in a day that a call center person even attempts on making! If there is anything called Ear Cancer, I know I’ll be the first one to hit by it……seriously!!!

On a serious note, after a little more than 2 years in the profession I am not too sure if this is what I want to do all my life, really, I really don’t know. I believe I am good at what I am doing; at least that’s what my colleagues think and luckily my boss too. But I am not too sure if this is what I want to do, the more I get involved in the business of PR I see Anupam loosing his identity somewhere. Each day is more fruitful when it comes to my work; I am learning new things and learning to strategize better. I know learning brings a lot of changes, most of the time positive ones, but it dsnt change your identity right?

Does it?

I know I am a fighter, I cant remember when was the last time I gave up a good fight, its like in the day I am practically hungry for more work, and work with perfection. Mistakes are meant to be made but I don’t believe in the idea of repeating them twice. In my world growth is constant, but not at the speed of a tortoise but not at the speed of a hare either. I love a hectic day which drains me out physically but leaves me with a sense of being complete. Sounds like making of a great professional right?

May be, may be not….

What if I tell you that I want to quit this great job, quit this industry and just pack my bags and leave from home. Leave to a place undecided, uncertain, with a future as dark as it could possibly get, only with a hope of silver lining. A hope that I hope to create as I backpack across the country on my parents money, ya I am being honest, I don’t think I can afford more than a month of backpacking on my own money. Unless I plan to find a job as I walk along…..but one sec I already have a job so… why would I do that then?

May be I will, may be I won’t…..

I can’t get over the fact that I would get up each day without a plan or a thought in my mind. I can’t get over the fact that my day would begin at a certain place but most certainly wouldn’t end there, defntly not in the same condition. I can’t get over the fact that my eyes could possible wake up to the plush green mountains with sun rays that would sink into my skin like they were talking over. The swish breeze would bring along a sense of freedom that I perhaps would welcome with my arms spread wide. The ground would perhaps hold me tight as I stand at the edge of a mountain, looking towards the endless valley that encompasses a world of secrets, naked to the human eye.

Perhaps I’ll pluck some fresh berries for breakfast, perhaps go fishing for lunch. Perhaps I’ll stop by to help the villager push his cart back on the road; perhaps I’ll ride with him to the next village unknown.

I know it might not be a perfect morning every day, but it’ll be a different morning at least? I know I might not eat the best breakfast one day, but at least eat something in a day? I know I’ll leave a lot of things behind, but I’ll also leave space for new things to sink in…..

I know I am dreaming…..but I always have….

I don’t know if I’ll ever have the courage to take this step, I don’t know if I’ll ever breath freedom the way I perceive it as? I don’t know if I’ll quit PR or simply change the meaning of PR in this country…..but I defntly know something,:-