Conversations & Me!

Series 3

Hey everyone, its time for Conversations & Me again, yes… the same Conversations & Me that does not necessarily revolve around a topic or does not really have a story tell…. It’s just another voice, another day, another thought, waiting to be shared….

I just realized that though I generally claim that this space is for my thoughts and my voice which does not necessarily need to be heard by someone else, the fact that I started it off by addressing everyone….makes me realize….its a voice waiting to be heard…waiting for people to react, waiting for people to smile, frown, ignore… waiting for the next one… to just take over…..

Alright back to the thought, since the last two days I have had a very silly thought in my head… life once again seems to disappoint me…..I have begun to realize that it constantly loves the idea of playing games with me….it shows me rays of hope for a few days.. and then there is a black out….for a few days I am smiling 24x7… and after that I am just quiet, hiding in my bedroom, forcing myself to watch brainless tv for hours so that my mind cant react or even think any more……

I am one of those people who is yet to realize the true meaning of achievement, success, goals or rather fulfillment of these goals. May be cause every single time I achieve something in life, well atleast I think I do… there is still something empty about it…for that moment which could last for months together its excitement, sense of pride, sense of being complete… but a few moments later…its just another reason to smile….

I don’t know if that’s good or bad, do all things in life that make you smile good for you? I cant remember the last time I cried and I was happy about it….I cant remember the last time when something bad happened to me and I still smiled… ya ya I know… everything happens for the good and sooner or later u realize it…..I have heard that one before and have been living the philosophy for years now… but come on…. One single moment where you have everything that you need… really is that a lot to ask for?

I promise I’ll hold on to that moment for life, remember it for life and hold that treasure till I burn into ashes…but may be its too much to ask for…..

May be I’ll write a few more pages and wonder what the hell was this all about, may be I’ll just close this window in the next few minutes and knock myself to sleep, may be I’ll just pack my bags tomorrow morning and come back after a few years….may be I wont. But I know I am too coward too something like that, the way my parents and friends would put it, is that I am too caring for everyone around me to do something as stupid as this…. The fact of the matter is…..your guess is as good as mine!

I guess being able to take that decision is LIFE……I guess the search for that moment is LIFE….i guess the fact that I am writing this in my own space is LIFE, I guess being able to breath is LIFE, I guess being able to find a reason to smile is LIFE…. I guess the ability to understand and accept every moment is LIFE…..my life, my space, my conversations…my dreams, my hopes, my desires….

But is that good enough in LIFE? Let me know your answer while I look for mine…….